I peel myself out of my leggings and pull on a pair of peach-colored panties.

Disappointment hovers like a sour note over me as I trek to the kitchen for a Corona. I’m not planning on drowning my sorrows in alcohol, but I’ve needed a beer since Sunday evening and this is the only way I’m getting it tonight.

He’s had a shitty day at work and just got off so no dice on hanging out tonight. I’m supposed to be understanding. I’m supposed to understand because I’m not his girlfriend and I have no right to demand what I want from him. Which in this case is a sound spanking and however much more he’ll give me. It’s been 19 days since my last spanking. 19! It’s like confessional for cripes sake

The fizz from the bottle when I open it calms me just a little, but not as much as that first cold swig. I’d never drink regularly though I crave a beer more nights than I don’t. Sometimes the only thing that makes it okay is a full bottle.

“Can we hold off until tomorrow?” I saw that text coming at 5:45 so I wasn’t surprised when I actually got it at 7:15. But I was so damn disappointed it took me 15 minutes to respond.

“Sure… I want to make you swear to it, but I won’t…”

He doesn’t realize how badly I want him, but I’m easily frustrated by a man who won’t communicate. He’s hot and cold lately and it flusters me. More than that, the chill has come on suddenly. Like he realized he was getting too close and got a tad frosty. I understand why, hell, I’m battling my own fears, but I’m wondering if I need to exit. Exit! Stage left.

My issues crop up like effing weeds though. Will someone else spark a fire like this in me? Will someone find me beautiful, interesting, easy to talk to? How do I meet decent guys? I’m suddenly not so sure I have what it takes.

Down to the last swig. Damn good beer when it’s cold. I don’t feel much better which means I need to write. That’ll loosen the tightness I feel.

I let the words flow out. They do a shitty job of capturing my true frustrations, but I feel less wound up as I type. I’m saying I’m confused, exhausted by my thoughts, in terrible need of him to scratch my itch…

Will I wait with bated breath to see him tomorrow? Yes, because he’s exciting. But beneath that I’m realizing I’m attractive and I can find someone else who excites me like this. I’m not bound by this almost relationship, I can find someone else who gets me off.

And I won’t go wasting a perfectly good pair of shaved legs again. Well, I probably will, but at least they’re easy to shave.


  1. I know the urge to bolt…don’t, if you can help it…sometimes working through your fears and seeing what happens is worth the moments of uncertainty…I should know, I call him “Daddy” now… 🙂

      1. The hardest thing I’ve ever done is learn how to take it day by day and not worry too much about the future…I still struggle with it…but when I succeed, I am happier for it…happier for the moments I’m able to have…maybe it’s less about worrying about your role and more about enjoying the moments as they occur…I know, easier said than done…

    1. I have no idea what I’m doing or what my gut is telling me. If I stick it out through this, it could be good. Then again, it might not be and bailing early could be smart. It’s certainly been fun so far which makes knowing how to go harder.

      1. I used to go by the rule of 3. If a guy postponed, or rescheduled a couple times…no big deal, everyone gets tired, and busy. But if he did it 3 times in a row….he was just blowing me off and too cowardly to say it straight up…so not worth the stress!

    1. I think I am. When “tomorrow” turned into “sometime” I know its time to call it quits. He has my number, but I’m not going to wait on him. I just can’t…

I like it when you talk to me

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