It was a question posed to her every so often. A funny question that always made her laugh when initially asked, but then later it would work its way into her psyche like a drill. There was a pile of invisible brain matter on her night stand for the times it had made her think so hard.
“You’re such an amazing girl, how come you’re still single?”
The million dollar question for which no answer existed.
She’d gotten good at speculating on the answer though. The funniest being that she’d never encountered a man worthy of her. She was smart, articulate, engaging, well traveled, and attractive. What man wouldn’t want a woman like that? A blind, deaf, and dumb one! The men she’d dated seemed to lack the ability to stick with her or misunderstood her desires. It had to be the men she met, what other reason existed?
But the other reason nagged at her.
A part of her felt broken, haunted by her past with its various painful moments. It was like she stared into a cracked mirror and every panel revealed the distorted image she had of herself. She pushed people away when she should pull them close, but she didn’t exactly know the first thing about being close to someone.
“You just need a certain type of guy. He’ll come along.”
It was the truth. She needed a man who was sensitive, caring, commanding, attentive, adventurous, patient, understanding, and attractive. Her honest conclusion was that man did not exist. Or he didn’t exist in the sphere that she spun in at least. The older she got the more she started to believe that was true. Not because there wasn’t time to still run into him, but because she was just too closed off to meet that man. She felt uncomfortable in her skin and around strangers so how could a man break through that barrier to the gooey person beneath?
Being sexy, smart, and engaging isn’t enough. Maybe because she didn’t feel like she wasn’t as much was required to be with someone.
So the answer to the question?
“I’m still single because no one has taken the time to make me believe my status is worth changing.”