Here It Is…

I, Cara Thereon, will not be voting in any “Top (insert whatever) Blogger” this year.

It seems counterintuitive to the aim of reaching out and forming community, but I find it depresses the hell out of me to vote in the contests.

There’s a bit of popularity involved. You have to be popular to be voted in and the people I read are already popular by my standards or I wouldn’t read them. Maybe this stems from the fact that I don’t feel popular so these contests just reinforce that excluded feeling.

I’ve always felt this was a poor way to discover unknown (but excellent) bloggers because it is a matter of popularity. The most votes gets the most recognition. More than that, the lists are too damn long and require too much time to sift through to find a site I DON’T know.

I loved when Hy and Nlike (forgive me for not having those links handy!) did their posts on blogs they enjoyed. That brought attention to not necessarily new, but interesting blogs floating around.

Maybe spotlighting one old blog site and one new site is what I need to start doing. If I’m feeling excluded, maybe doing something inclusive will eradicate that feeling.

Regardless, I’m going to respectfully decline when asked to vote for anyone’s site to be Top (insert whatever) Blogger this year.

You already are in my eyes anyway.


  1. Alright, I am officially concerned that there is spy ware that has been implanted into my conscious mind. Perhaps you would care to divulge your methods? I have a few people that I would like to target in order to gain access to better material than the dreck that I write. πŸ˜‰

    Seriously, I could not be in more agreement with you. I am not popular. I don’t write about a popular topic. I don’t participate I popularity contests.

  2. Amen to that. Some of my favorite blogs have the least number of followers, but they speak most to me. We all blog for different reasons, but part of the sharing and exposing of ourselves is connecting with others, feeling understood and maybe even having our feelings validated to an extent. Learning more about ourselves thought the words of others, expanding ourselves and growing. Appreciation for the people in our midst. Popularity doesn’t have anything to do with that, in my opinion. I’ll take quality over quantity, any day.

    You’re quality, in my book. Thanks for being you.


    1. Blogging is such an interesting practice. Both solitary and communal in some ways. It’s weird how I feel like I’m talking to no one sometimes and yet there people are. I don’t want it to seem like I don’t want to foster community, but I don’t like how it feels when I don’t “get in”.

      Thanks for reading.

      1. I don’t think the Top whstever really foster much community. I think it’s more about who has the biggest social media presence and can get the most votes. I don’t find the top dogs to be my favorite blogs at all. I love you though, and your blog. Xoxox

      1. Funny, I just ranted about this but not from the popularity-contest aspect, but from a lack of feedback. I was feeling pretty low seeing the visitor stats climbing but next to no comments and opted to whine about continuing. I really am blogging for me…not for readers. If they give a shit, they don’t tell me…and I don’t care anymore. I put things into perspective and decided to continue even if stats plummet and then flat line.

        My blog will NEVER be considered popular…meanwhile, yours and several others in my following group are right up there!

      2. I’m always whining about not having feedback. Except I don’t have the high stats to go with the low commenting. It’s the nature of the game I suppose. We thrive on feedback no matter who we say we’re blogging for.

      3. No kidding. I suppose we can just comment on each other’s blogs just let everyone know that the posts are actually published. πŸ˜‰

      4. @ Warmcremy AND @ Cara! Positive action! How about…you improve your Gravatar and put links there to your blogs? You both have a link to the blog from your name showing in the comments, but the Gravatar picture just goes nowhere. For comparison, have a look at both Caitlyn’s name link and her avatar link. Both go to her Gravatar and she has included just about everything an innocent (or clueless?) reader could ask for, including her email address so you can ask her how to do this stuff.
        Anisa – you too!

      5. Great idea Nick. When I was doing the links for the game, I clicked on your gravatar from my site to get your url. That’s how I got most of everyone’s. But yours wasn’t there.

        What that means in the scheme of things is if there is a reader at my site (or any other where you hang out) and they like what you’ve got to say and want to read more, they can’t find you. They’re not going to look any further. Just my .02. Mwah!

      6. But clicking my name leads directly to my blog. I never use the gravatar when I want to know a person. I find the gravatar to be distracting unless I want an easy way to get to their other available sites.

      7. You do. But others use the gravatar. I like it because it gives me everything: twitter, tumblr, wordpress, wherever. You know your site, let others find it. πŸ™‚ They’ll thank you for it. Love ya. xoxo

      8. @ Cara. Yes, your name does lead to your blog. But I suspect many readers don’t realise that, especially as WP have now removed the highlighting on ‘live’ names. Remember, the Gravatar is not for your benefit, it is for the readers that might like to get more of your stuff, following over from other blogs. And the usage is very inconsistent across blogs, so some people may only have seen the ‘hot’ Gravatar links, not the hot name link. It does not cost anything, so just add a back-link to the blog. And you do have a nice picture there:-)

    1. @ Caitlyn. Yes, well spotted! I don’t have a blog, nor a wish to blog, so my avatar goes nowhere. I only have an avatar/Gravatar because it was mandatory for a private blog I wanted to see. I would have deleted it after that visit but it is very messy to unpick.
      Anybody who wants to see more of my droolings…well, some people harass me in the comments, just about everywhere:-)

  3. Ok…Nick. All set. Hope this helps. I certainly know that not having the information there hasn’t led to any measure of success. πŸ˜‰

    1. Much better:-) Lets hope they all roll in now, just after they have visited Cara’s!
      Er, do you have 2 blogs? You want to keep them apart? If you do, no technical reason not to mention them on any Gravatars you have.



  4. I completely respect your decision (so when my post comes out begging for votes, we’re cool, I promise. lol). That being said, I’m only on one particular list because I requested to put myself there. I wasn’t known enough last year to be voted into to it. Sometimes, you have to elbow your way into the crowd – and then hope people like you enough to keep you there. πŸ™‚

    1. Ha! I can say nearly the same thing. For me, I want to figure out how to monetize my size – either by writing a book or selling merch of some kind – because I’m a broke ass motherfucking with a fledgling business who bites her fucking nails every damn month worrying that I’ll make ends meet. Landing on those lists generate traffic which could in turn make me money down the line. That’s my biggest interest for making it on the lists.

      The first year I blogged I was listed fairly high on one, the second I dropped below the top 20. That drop (though, I know not significant) helped me figure out what it was I wanted out of that kind of ranking. They’re subjective and based a lot on luck (I don’t claim to be popular AT ALL) and if I am, it’s news to me. I just do what I do and try to write as best I can. Though, I won’t lie, it’s treat to be mentioned at all. I can’t claim to be egoless, either, sadly.

      However, I totally get why you’re bowing out of it all. If I didn’t have those personal goals, I wouldn’t mention the lists coming up at all in terms of putting me on them, but I feel it’s an opportunity missed if I didn’t. And besides that, I do think that for those hitting the sex blogging community for the first time ever, they’re a good starting point. You can literally find ANYTHING on those lists!

      I’ll email N. Likes to see if we can get back on track with our Two Dissolutes lists πŸ™‚ I honestly had NO idea anyone really liked those!! But Cara, for you, I’ll do just about anything. xx Hy

      1. Hy,

        Mrs. WC and I thought (for about a half-second) about selling access to our current and ever-growing collection of “intimate” pics as a means to raise a few bucks…perhaps boost the kids’ college funds. It was worth the laugh for the moment as it faded into reality. Who would pay anything to see us? πŸ™‚

  5. Goodness, after reading the comments, I find I have more to say. (What, me? Never! lol)

    I’ve said this to authors who are desperate to promote their books. I’ve said it in the vanilla world. And I say it to sex bloggers. You have to decide what your end-goal is for your blog and come up with a plan.

    I started out as a sex blogger who just wanted to learn how to have an orgasm (true!) and for me, it morphed into something more. Not everyone wants to do what I do, and that’s cool. The only way you’ll ever see “success” (a relative term if I ever heard one) in blogging is to stay true to who you are but to use a few tricks along the way.

    Blogging on a consistent basis (you don’t have to be a weirdo like me and do it everyday) about the things that speak to you. Cara, I think you have a great blogging voice, whether you’re being sexy or introspective.

    If you want readers (if that part is important to you), you have to participate in the community. The community exists but it’s not cohesive (yet) – LSAM, Hy, and others are doing a good job of bringing us together and it’s a constant work in progress. It doesn’t mean you have to comment on every post you read (who the hell has time for that?) but commenting does play a big part. You’re already participating in memes like Masturbation Monday (thanks by the way!!) and Boobday (rawr). IF (and only if) it’s important to you, there are ways to promote your blog posts through places like Triberr (and Cara, I totally owe you an email about that).

    Love your lurkers. We all have them. My views are pretty good most days of the week, but I probably only have 15-20 consistent commenters and likers. That’s all good. At the end of the day, what I want people to do is read and share what I write that they enjoy – knowing not everyone will like everything I write.

    The reality (that I’m learning) is that finding a way to grow an audience and build a business (which not everyone wants to do) from my blog turns it into a part-time job. I spend time each week writing and then promoting. Then I spend time on social media “hanging out” so to speak with the friends and connections I’ve made through blogging. The friendships and connections are real but without the commitment to my blog, they’d never exist. And I had to decide to commit to being in several places and interacting outside of my blog in order to build what I’ve got now (which still has a LONG way to go).

    So, I’ve hijacked your comments, Cara, and I’ve probably preached to the choir a bit. You don’t have to do everything that “the top” bloggers do (I know I don’t). I think the most important thing to do is to figure out what you want to accomplish and then figure out what to do to get there (and you know I’m always available to give my two cents).

    1. @Kayla… I want that email too please!

      @ Cara… I think for those of us that have been around awhile (and yes, you are in that group too), it teeters out. That’s one of the reasons I’m trying to do all this community stuff. I was kind of bored at the blog and didn’t know what to do with it, so I wasn’t doing anything (big mistake). You need to really sit down and figure out what you want from it. It’s okay to want readers. I write for my readers just as often as I write for myself. But no one can tell you what you want. You need to figure that out…

      @Hy… I’m working on monetizing my blog too, although I’m still working on a direction. Getting off WP is the start of that, but I’m so broke right now, it’s not on my priority list. Like Kayla, I’m trying to make the blog a part-time*ish* business, because I’d rather be there writing than writing some of the crap I have to so I can pay the bills. If you’ve got any bright ideas, let me know!!


      1. Happy to include you on that email. After all this talk lately, I’m thinking of blogging a few of my thoughts on all of this but I’m afraid of coming across as a know-it-al (and I *hate* that!).

        I wish I had thoughts on monetizing the actual blog, but with what I’ve learned about banner ads and the like (as in, no one actually clicks on them) and affiliate sales (very difficult to make money at first), I don’t have any ideas. For me, the love is in writing, and I’d rather find ways to make money there. That being said, I am going to add a new element to my site soon (as soon as I figure out the details) to hopefully begin to earn an income through writing and blogging – without taking away the experience my followers already have. Ugh, it’s complicated.

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