I have confession to make…

I don’t want to be snuggled after a spanking. 😳

Typical protocol after a session, especially an intense session, is aftercare. That can mean something simple like providing water, evaluating emotional state, holding/gentle physical contact, rubbing sore muscles or applying aloe/arnica, or just talking. 

After a spanking I am boneless and soft. Chemicals are zipping through me and I’m a drowsy girly. My eyes stay lowered, my voice is so soft, I feel little. I’ve been gentled and feel feminine and small. More so if I’ve cried during. 

But I don’t want to be bundled up and held. I don’t mind being touched, I’m actually more open to sexual advances  after a spanking. 

A lot of people need the physical contact. I feel repelled (okay that may be too strong a word). The gentleman who spanks me at the moment requires that for aftercare. He wants to hold me, stroke my hair, give gentle kisses. 

I’ve been thinking about it and the feelings I have after. It’s not that I dislike the sensation because I love being touched, but it’s too intimate for the vulnerable state I’m already in following the high. 

Real talk: I struggle with certain levels of intimacy. 

My brain works differently. Sex can be done with a level of detachment, but not kissing. I don’t kiss unless there’s a certain level of commitment because of how intimate kissing is for me. I don’t want to cuddle following a spanking for the same reason. I can be split wide open and made vulnerable by spanking and it’s hard for me to allow anyone to see that. I need to be away so I can regroup and I can’t do that with so much physical contact. 

I know aftercare benefits myself and the person who played with me so I’ll continue to engage in cuddling with this play partner. 

Maybe this is a matter of allowing someone in. My current arrangement is not permanent, but my mental self needs the anchor. It’s hard when I only want to be anchored to someone I know will always be there. 

Maybe it’s a matter of finding the aftercare practice that ministers to me and the person I play with. 

I’m probably the only person with an issue like this, but I’m curious what others do for aftercare? 

Cooling my poor bum off. There is a very tiny g-string hidden under that. Nothing left to the imagination. 😉 


  1. I haven’t had enough experiences that warrant aftercare to know how I’d be. But I can absolutely see where you are coming from and understand why you woudn’t want to allow it to happen.

    1. I’m still trying to figure my head out on this one. I’ve had to worry about it in the past. The first time I was spanked, the guy who did it gave me tea and made me talk through the experience. I was so druggy it was hard.

  2. Kissing is also excruciatingly intimate for me (I always make the joke that I’m like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman), and I’ve certainly fucked more partners than I’ve kissed. However, as you know, I am need of that specific kind of aftercare that you’ve mentioned above: aloe, kisses, snuggles, reassurances, bath time, cuddle me to sleepy kind of ooey-gooey stuff. But really… that’s just because it’s with Sir. If it was a less serious partner/just a play partner… I would take the aloe and the bath time… but I’d need to be alone otherwise.

    Look at your lovely hidden bum! I want to nibble on your thighs. 😛


    1. I think not having something at least stable and consistent is what stops me. I’ve already been vulnerable. Though I’m so sleepy and probably need the comfort, I don’t want it. I gotta find a perm play partner. Someday…


    1. Even with the things I write about and do, it wasn’t until recently I considered myself kinky. I mean, spanking is something even people who label themselves as vanilla enjoy. The pleasure I get from the spanking alone gives me away.

  3. Everyone is different and aftercare is different for everyone. For me, yes, I need the cuddles and close intimacy, but I’m in a committed, intimate relationship with SSir. I fully recognize that people who aren’t in that kind of relationship might not want the same cuddles and warm, fuzzy moments.

    The thought I had, though, was that maybe the amazing gentleman who’s beating your ass *needs* the cuddles himself. I can only imagine that it’s difficult, sometimes, to cause pain (even pleasurable) to someone without needing reassurance that everything and everyone is okay at the end. (Food for thought, only.)

    I would hypothesize that if you ever do find that person you want to be intimate and close with, there’s a chance you might feel differently about aftercare cuddles. But that being said, you might not. We’re all wired differently.

    1. Yea. I did conclude that maybe the cuddling is more for him. Doms need aftercare also so I did realize he seemed to need it more than I did. I’m willing to provide that for him in spite of my reluctance.

  4. Thank you for sharing something so personal. With my limited experience at the fringes of BDSM, I haven’t encountered a lot of different types of aftercare, but I can totally understand where you are coming from.

    1. Thanks for stopping by to comment! I’m still navigating it a bit. I was never vanilla, but I wasn’t serious until recently. I’m also curious other people’s thoughts.

  5. I struggled for a really long time with cuddling, even after normal vanilla sex. It was like you to intimate an act for me.I used to joke that my husband and I should just have separate bedrooms and call on one another when we wanted to get some.. then he or I could go back to each others room.

    To say I wanted no part of what is usually normal behavior for most after love making, “cuddling” is a lie. I did want it, but I didn’t trust myself to not feel more in that moment. So I wouldn’t partake. To many years of being hurt and not looked after emotionally led me to that and it took a very long time, a separation, and rebuilding of our marriage for me to get to the point where I can now freely, willingly and longinly cuddle with him.

    1. I’ve always had a hard time with certain levels of intimacy for similar reasons. It’ll take the right guy and lots of patience to lose some of the fear and reluctance. Someday…

  6. I agree with Kayla in that the cuddles may be more for him. As for what you need, nothing wrong with having an open discussion to let him know. Even ask him if he needs the cuddles. Sometimes cuddles and kisses aren’the what I need. Coach has drawn me a hot bath and brought me a recovery drink. Soaking in the tub is heaven. You do whatever works for you. It seems to me that you understand self care and no one understands what you need than you.

    1. A massage would be better! I struggle to let people take care of me in general. Being that open with someone takes a lot of time.

      He and I only have one more meeting before I have to relocate again. I can let the cuddle thing happen

  7. i have exactly zero experience with needing to provide aftercare (maybe that’s exactly the type of man you need!), so I’ll just say, it’s a shame that washcloth is in the way 🙂

    1. Maybe an increase in intensity would necessitate more aftercare. The first time I cried from the cane I just needed to lay still to recuperate. No touching needed.

      Oh! I’ll have to put those on so you can see. Not much can be hidden with those.

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