Of the flesh

For the longest time I avoided pornography as a means to help me get off. Some of it was born out of years of conditioning when it came to all things sexual outside of the bonds of marriage. I shouldn’t touch myself and to add the sin of indulging in watching porn would just send me straight to hell.

It’s very difficult to sort things out when you have a particular view of things. It’s hard to stop associating pleasure and sex with guilt and if you’re not careful it really messes with you. I’ve always wanted to find balance, like I’ve mentioned. Spiritual balance and sexual understanding. Without all the shitty turmoil.

Gradually my struggle with masturbation diminished. I needed relief without the emotional upheaval that comes with casual interactions so why not learn what my body likes? That exploration became easier over time.

Ah, but it took much longer to ease the guilt that came with even the thought of looking at porn. Not watching became something I clung to as a form of self-righteousness. Porn isn’t real so I don’t partake. I don’t need it so why use it?

Except the things I loved to write about became the things I wanted to watch. Women with skin tones like mine draped over the laps of men fully clothed, their bottoms upturned as they are spanked steadily, and undressed until their asses squirm with pleasure and pain. Men gripping the full hips of women bent over beds, the slick sound of sex filling my ears as the rapid pace of penetration fills my eyes. And my favorite… My absolute favorite and the very first thing I found myself watching with an almost guilty pleasure. It begins the same.

A man, always a man.

Laying in a bed, naked or progressing to nudity. His face out of sight, but his body on display. His cock slowly revealed to the screen, half hard. My mouth-watering in anticipation as he strokes himself, bringing that responsive flesh to full mast in seconds. All I think about is his taste on my tongue, traveling to the back of my throat, gagging me as he uses my mouth.

Some videos the man teases, drawing out their pleasure before the camera. It’s slow strokes up and down, ones that make me stifle moans. Others it’s fast, a fist pumping hard to bring him to the finish. Hips pushing up, balls drawing tight as they teeter on the edge…

Then comes the end that always makes me shudder. The moment of release, cum coming first in heavy spurts then in slow dribbles. I wait for that moment, hand between my thighs and lips parted in longing.

My guilty pleasure that always satisfies me

The guilt has faded over time, but the pleasure… Mm, still one of my favorites.

Another self-exploration piece for MM and masturbation month. The photo was so delicious and definitely reminds me of many of the amateur videos I like to watch. Nothing is more erotic to me than seeing a man find his pleasure and imagining his taste on my tongue. *sigh*. 

Anyway, go see the other offerings this week. You can leave me links to your favorite porn if you’d like. Wanking material for everyone! 😉


  1. Did you just tell SSir to make some porn? Thank you!!! /giggles

    I’m glad you’re finding your way out of the guilt…the very unnecessary but highly pervasive guilt. ((HUGS))

  2. This is one of those things that so many of us are fooled and lied to about as we grow up – often without malice but simply because so many other pointless socio-cultural systems have made them unacceptable.
    Honestly, I remain continually stunned given that I hail from India, which was a culture where sexuality was not at all taboo at a point in time, we had temples with orgies depicted on the walls and wrote one of the most sexually forward texts of all time that is still held in high regard for a lot of good reasons. Yet thanks to religion and imported customs and ideas (pertaining particularly to things like homosexuality, promiscuity, sex for pleasure, female pleasure instead of just male gratification, etc, etc) we have regressed to a society that just makes me sadly shake my head.
    Love the post, it echoes so much of what so many people – male and female – would be feeling on the inside, regardless of what they project.

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