Just shy of crazy 

No poem today. Woke up with a complete inability to think clearly because I slept terribly. 

Why? 

Because I’d had the best date in a looooong (really there aren’t enough Os for how long it’s been) since I’ve had a decent date. 

A) he contacted me on Fet and convinced me to go out with him within an hour of talking
-I definitely “came as I was”
B) he paid and was a total gentleman
C) I drank more than I should have
D) He sent me home after a bunch of hot kisses and no sex

Gentleman, great conversation, super cute, promise of another date. How could I possibly be crazy after that? It was too good, too perfect and because I’m me and I overthink everything. Even something so nice turns into a trip to crazy town and worst case scenerios. 

I didn’t bother with makeup so maybe he wasn’t really attracted to me? I’m definitely not at my most attractive 95% of the time so my lack of effort has to be turn off. He said we could go out again, but maybe he was just trying to get me into the car? People promise a lot of things after alcohol. He’s messaged me a bit, but maybe he’s just being polite? I answer people back often when I don’t necessarily want to talk to them. How can I spin this so I don’t disappointment myself? One decent date after a drought is enough so of course I don’t need (or deserve) more. 

See? Do you see why I can’t have good things? Because I can’t just enjoy it and hope for the best. No, I’m an ugly mental mess and I can’t do dating without stressing myself out. Can I just skip past the getting to know you stage straight to the “comfortable passing gas in your presence” stage? 

I should’ve just stuck with a damn poem today! Something perfect so you wouldn’t have a glimpse into my awkwardness, but I need to decompress so this is what you get. 

Tomorrow. You’ll get it tomorrow. 

9 comments

  1. I’ve said it to you before, and I’ll say it again…the person who’s right for you will stick with you through the cray-cray. If he does, good and great. If he doesn’t, at least you know. Knowing that, believing that, or even hoping or that doesn’t stop the ugly mental mess (I know).

    Oh, and your awkwardness is completely adorable – even though it probably makes you nuts. 🙂

      1. Your awkwardness makes you adorable AND you’re a lot less weird than you think you are. Most of us walk around feeling awkward, too. You’re just one of the few who’s brave enough to admit it in writing. 🙂

  2. Well… the man for you will love you for who you are, not what you looked like at 7pm on date night. After all, you are hoping you will be waking up next to him some time in the future!
    Sure, attraction is important. But he *was* attracted to you. You could feel it.
    Now, whatever he decides is his problem.
    You will have enjoyed a fun date, and will be happy for a second one. But if that second one doesn’t happen… at least it’ll have reminded you how great a good date can, should, feel.
    And that in itself is a win!
    And I’d rather read what you *need* to write than a poem you didn’t pour your soul into because your soul was too busy elsewhere 🙂

  3. I think we all would prefer if we could go from that magical, spark-filled first date or two (hopefully with some passionate love-making) and be able to jump across to the “comfortable passing gas in your presence” stage. 🙂

I like it when you talk to me

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