In an effort to find myself

I’ve decided to take a break from dating. 

The dissolution of… Whatever I was just dabbling in has left me feeling fragile. I was once again too much and not enough for someone. Oh the gentle letdown of “deserving someone who makes you a priority.” 

The sad thing is I can’t stop myself from hoping I’ll get a text from him. Why? For a handful of reasons, but the one that tugs at me is I want to know that I meant a little more to him than I know I did. I want to know that I’m on his mind enough to want to text me. I want him to regret…

Petty, but reality. Not true, but reality. Heartbreaking, but reality. 

It’s this reality that tells me I gave too much, and it’s this reality that says I need to step back for my own self-evaluation. So I’m challenging myself to a year of abstaining so I can see what kind of person I am on the other side. This is intentional though I need to clarify what things I’ll be abstaining from. Dating for sure, but other things may take a pause as well. 

When I was going through my spell of not dating, I hated it. Now that I’m on the flip side of that, I’m jaded and done. I may miss the chance to meet someone, but at this point I’m am not open to it anyway. And don’t bother with the platitude of meeting someone when you stop looking. That one irritates me so let’s skip it all together. 

Time to do something different. 

10 comments

  1. A year is a long time. At least to me! But whatever break you feel you need, then take it 🙂
    I’m sorry that your latest… ‘whatever’ ended. I hope you find your strength again soon 🙂
    XO

    1. I started to put 6 months, but a year seems like a good cleanse.

      Can I call it more than that? It felt like more, but on closer examination I’m wondering if I felt more than was reality.

      1. What is reality if not the things we feel deep inside? What your reality was is all that counts, isn’t it? Because it’s the entirety of the loss you feel right now 🙂
        (and how I wish I could apply this to myself 😉 )

    1. It’s a larger goal that I’ll take 3 months at a time. Maybe I’m pushing myself too hard, but taking things away may open the door to something better in other areas in my life. And hugs to you. Good luck

  2. I am just coming up to a year of no dating and it has made me re-evaluate so much, I still can’t put my finger on ‘what I am looking for’ but I can see much more clearly the things I don’t want and am not prepared to accept, it also has made me remember how good it feels to be independent to know my own worth and to realise I do not need anyone, yes I want someone in my life but as a bonus I know now I do not need someone else to complete me or vindicate my existence, Hang out with friends, have fun, enjoy life, and remember, only when you find, you like and love yourself, will you ever find someone else who you can believe feels the same about you.

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